Feel free to check out my other site, Qualia Folk, which is dedicated to celebration of and scholarship on the Gay community. Qualia Folk is also the home of the Qualia Encyclopedia of Gay Folklife, free of charge with open access to all.

Also, I write regularly for the following publications: beachmonkey.com, Edge Publications, Outlook Columbus, and Just Circuit.

Mickey

Dancing with my husband, Kevin Mason, in Cleveland, 2001

Articles

Quiz Time: Famous Gay Quotes
Of Strongest Iron
Death by False Jesus: Reparative Therapy
My Stonewall Moment: Pilgrimage, Police and Rot-Gut Vodka
Why I Capitalize “Gay”
Kiss and Hell

Just look at American politics. Climate change, overpopulation, pollution, all three are huge threats to humanity, and all three are getting progressively worse. One party in American politics pretends they don’t exist, while the other one has proven grossly negligent when power was in its hands.

Some monsters do not disappear when the sun rises. We have evidence stretching back a billion years to see what will inevitably happen. The fossil record tells us that the history of life on Earth has had periods of massive die-offs, when untold numbers of species disappeared and the sum total of complex living organisms decreased dramatically. One culprit is consistently visible: drastic climate change.

500 or so years of scientific awareness and urban planning give us evidence of other factors at work. As a population increases, waste matter increases. For humans, our excrement is toxic to us in the long run because lethal diseases are transmitted through it. This is why we have toilets.

Human excrement is but one type of negative byproduct our species produces. We are surrounded by industry waste and our own garbage. We breathe, eat, and pile up more every year. Many of us, however, have not made the connection between industrial waste and our own shit. One political party refuses to put sustainability on the table. The other party has tabled discussion of sustainability until further notice.

Thus it is inevitable that we will experience more sickness, be it from pathogens or industrial poisons.

AIDS, SARS and antibiotic-resistant strep are just warm-ups for what’s on the horizon.

Rapture as Fact, AIDS as Fiction

But it’s difficult to bring the reality check to our fellow Americans. A significant minority does not believe the world is more than 5,000 years old. An even bigger number believes that the world will end any day now, and that all the warning signs, such as industrial disasters, extreme weather, and even AIDS, point towards the Rapture. Prayer is the answer (along with guns), not the need for sensible resource management, population control, zero-waste recycling and renewable energy.

Look closely at homophobic, anti-choice, anti-climate-change and anti-Occupy rhetoric. They all go hand in hand with an underlying hum of fear, whispers of hysteria sitting just beneath the surface, made stronger by a sneaky sense of uncertainty that comes with helplessness and soothed only by a well-stocked arsenal next to the big-screen TV.

Just a few weeks ago, NPR interviewed a woman who was startled by a gas line explosion near her house. Her initial reaction: It’s the End Times. That was her first thought. I wonder if she realized the scarier truth: our infrastructure is falling apart.

At least with the Rapture, some of us will float away. With guns, we can shoot our enemies. As it stands with rupturing gas lines, massive oil spills, giga-tons of coal sludge and much-needed trillions of dollars siphoned off by unregulated Wall Street gambling, there is no one to shoot, and none of us gets out unscathed. In the long run, not even the one percent.

The End-Times-God-Versus-Satan rallying cry gets its power by convincing people that their group will be exempt from what is Second-Coming. It is an ethical stance as old as homo sapiens: My tribe over all others. Even if the shouting is clothed in Christian verse of love and mercy, the tone of it is a war chant, anger to the point of frenzy, in perfect sync with the ecstasy of a tent revival.

The Four Horsemen

Where is the Gay tribe in this? Simple: we aren’t. We don’t count because we are the living embodiment of birth control and rational discourse. We don’t wave automatic weapons around during our Pride parades. We do not procreate irresponsibly and, like birth control, we get in God’s way, so God gave us AIDS. Environmentalists are almost as bad as Gays. Preaching sustainability is to foresee a long-term future for humankind, which goes against the notion of the Last Days. In Biblical terms, Gays, tree-huggers, women’s reproductive choice advocates and Occupy-Wall-Streeters are the Four Horsemen of the Anti-Apocalypse. We are the lemmings that don’t join the herd rushing madly over the edge of a cliff in the name of Team Freedom. The issues we address are therefore ignored.

But things were not always that way. Conservative silence concerning AIDS is a radical change from just a few years ago. George H.W. Bush, Sr. quit the National Rifle Association when it started bashing cops. George W. Bush, made AIDS funding a visible priority, and he recognized it was not just a homosexual problem. We can disagree with his methods (funding only those groups that pushed abstinence, for example), but not his message.

George didn’t support AIDS funding to please his Conservative base. I think he did it as a compromise with Progressives, but “compromise” became a dirty word with the rise of the Tea Party. We are witnessing a throwback to the golden-shower-trickle-down days of Ronnie Reagan: AIDS=Gay, Gay=homosexual, homosexuality (like AIDS) is a disease/sin/crime. Any support of AIDS or Gays is on par with recognizing climate change (hoax), women’s reproductive rights (murder) or advocating environmental/economic sustainability (huh?). It is political suicide.

Just ask John Huntsman.

All of this denial makes it even easier for our young Gay men (and closeted Christian down-low Porn-Agains) to pretend that AIDS is not a real problem, just like climate change.

Come to (Progressive) Jesus

All is not lost. Many Progressives fail to see that most Conservative homophobic anti-science bigots are also compassionate Christians who do their best to be a force for good in this world. If we want to access the better angels of their nature, it’s just a matter of speaking their language.

We must first realize that AIDS, Gays, climate change, reproductive rights and ecological sustainability are jumbled up into a big incoherent mess inside their heads. We advance the cause of the LGBT community and AIDS funding when we advocate for the other 3 Horsemen. Here are some suggestions:

Climate change: Forget the fossil record and focus on the immediate problem at hand. “God made a beautiful world for us that has functioned beautifully for 5000 years, but we will ruin it in the next 50 years if we don’t change our ways.”

If hard-core Creationists really piss you off, let them know that the whole dinosaurs-in –the-Garden-of-Eden thing makes them look bad in the eyes of other Christians: “Roman Catholics laugh at you.”

Women’s reproductive rights: Forget the complete lack of proof concerning the Virgin Birth. “Jesus was a planned pregnancy. Mary gave her consent first, and she did it without consulting Joseph.”

Sustainability: “Not one sparrow falls to the ground without God noticing it. God also knows if the sparrow fell because it died from pollution.” Tie that into climate change. The big lie coming from anti-environmental Conservatives is that human activity is not significant enough to affect the environment. Remind them that God pays attention to everything we do to His Creation.

Gays and AIDS: This one is tricky since the Bible condemns same-sex sex, and God uses plagues to punish sinners. A sure winner is Mother Teresa, the nearest thing to Jesus in our lifetime: “She took care of anyone who was sick, and made it a point to minister to people with AIDS without judging them or condemning them.” Also, don’t be afraid to pimp out George Jr., or to point out AIDS funding actually began under Saint Ronnie, his silence on the subject before 1987 notwithstanding.

Finally, bring up the giant red ribbon that Obama had put up in front of the White House on World AIDS Day last December. If you are really feeling sassy, add, “Wasn’t that the most Christian thing our president could do to celebrate the Christmas spirit?”

I bet they never heard THAT from conservative commentators.

The Quotes

1. God is a lesbian.

2. Mercy, ain’t Miss God cutting up something awful? (spoken just before getting struck by lightning)

3. Don’t say I do it
Ain’t nobody caught me
You sure got to prove it on me (lyrics to a song about a Lesbian)

4. When before, wanting to please you
Desiring to have eyes to see you
Now they only serve to mourn you

5. Good morning. I’m a homosexual. We’re here to protest the Epstein article. Would you like some coffee?

6. Some believe a team of cavalry, others infantry
and still others a fleet of ships, to be the most beautiful
thing on dark earth, but I believe it is
whatever a person loves

7. You’ve gotta give them hope.

8. We wear no underwear
We show our pubic hair (improvised lyrics to a song)

9. Thank goodness there are no drag queens or diesel dykes among them! Maybe next year. (from an academic presentation)

10. Never in my life have I used the word “fag,” and certainly I’ve not made blanket statements about bodybuilders’ sexual orientation. . . . Anyone familiar with my history knows I’ve always glorified both the musclemen and gays. In fact, I hold goodwill for everybody except liars, cheats, bigots, hypocrites and sloppy reporters.

11. HIGH JACK THIS FAGS (painted on a bomb)

12. They’re such a perfect little butch-femme couple. What they do between episodes, I don’t know.

13. She’s the first woman I’ve worshipped! I’d crawl 40 miles through broken glass just to wank off in her shadow!

14. But what if she’s in the bathtub?! What if, like, her parakeet just died or something? What if she’s expecting a call from someone else she gave her number to? (spoken by Mo)

15. Body, love to please my body
Body, don’t you tease my body (lyrics to a song)

16. I’m a Free Man, a big man
A fat man and a hairy man (lyrics to a song)

17. I’m a real man with a pussy.

18. No one knows their secret identities; rumor has it that if their birth names are ever revealed, the universe will screech to a halt, so no smart person ever asks. (in reference to…)

19. Flaming Rainbow (Lakota name)

20. Islam is on very thin ice with me. I’m hanging on by my fingernails, in anxiety over what’s coming next from the self-appointed ambassadors of Allah.

21. Civilians killed on both sides, and we, in Tel Aviv, fifteen minutes away, choose to ignore it all, to sink and not hear. Especially us, as lesbians and gay men, delude ourselves that our freedom can exist within a violent society of occupation. We cover the asses of human rights in Israel.

22. The fire will not consume us-we take it and make it our own.

23. “The Flower-Seller Will not Sell Flowers from the Rear Courtyard”

24. And Lillian of course, Lillian was my wife.

25. We have to do good drugs, which can produce very intense pleasure.

26. She’ll always be a player
In the ballfields of my heart (lyrics to a song)

27. I think there is no Crime in making what use I please of my own body. (said when placed under arrest)

28. You are my sister
You are my baby (lyrics to a song)

29. As I understand it, after the wimmin’s revolution sex will consist of wimmin holding hands, taking off their shirts, and dancing in a circle. Then we will all fall asleep at exactly the same moment.

30. Keep your hands
Off our panties (chant)

31. Your gloves don’t match your shoes
They’ll see it on the news (chant)

32. Twenty-five, thirty years ago, the barometer of human rights in the United States was black people. That is no longer true. The barometer for judging the character of people in regard to human rights is now those who consider themselves gay, homosexual, lesbian.

33. ’Twas either you or me betrayed the handsome cabin boy. (name the ballad)

34. I should love to perform “There Are Fairies in the Bottom of My Garden” but I don’t dare. It might come out “There Are Fairies in the Garden of My Bottom.”

35. United we stand. Divided, they arrest us one by one.

36. As I passed the border out of Iran, I promised myself and my country that I would one day return to a free, open Iran. Until that time, I would work to achieve that goal.

37. You can’t find enlightenment in the closet.

People Who Said the Quotes (not in order)

Click on the name to see the article on them in the QEGF.

A-mei (Chinese superstar diva)
ACT UP (AIDS activist group)
Robert Aitken (Zen master)
Alison Bechdel (cartoonist)
Bitch and Animal (musicians)
William Brown (1700s, British victim of police brutality)
Buck Angel (porn star)
Pat Califia (transman and scholar)
Meg Christian (musician)
Noel Coward (wit)
Gerald Davis (folklorist)
Michel Foucault (French philosopher), Ethics
Matt Freeman (Bear musician)
Liz Friedman (director of Xena, Warrior Princess)
Gay Activist Alliance in NYC zapping Harper’s Magazine in 1970
Mabel Hampton (NYC activist)
“The Handsome Cabin Boy” Ballad
Juana Inés de la Cruz (17th century Mexican nun)
Kvisa Shchora (Israeli activist group)
Lucy Lawless (Xena, the Warrior Princess)
Lesbian Avengers (Lesbian avengers)
Li Yu (1700s Chinese playwright and author)
Irshad Manji (Muslim activist in Toronto)
Harvey Milk
John Neihardt (poet who co-wrote Black Elk Speaks)
Pussy Palace Panties Picket Protest chant in Toronto
Arsham Parsi (Iranian activist)
Ma Rainey (blues singer)
Bayard Rustin (activist who worked with Martin Luther King)
Bert Savoy (1920s drag queen celebrity)
Sappho (6th century BCE Greek poet)
José Sarria (San Francisco drag empress and activist)
Stonewall Girls (locas who taunted riot police during the Stonewall Riots)
Thich Nhat Hanh (Vietnamese Buddhist leader)
US Navy
Village People (YMCA supporters)
Mae West (actress and vamp)

The Answers

KEY: 1 Thich Nhat Hanh, 2 Bert Savoy, 3 Ma Rainey, 4 Juana Inés, 5 GAA zap, 6 Sappho, 7 Harvey Milk, 8 Stonewall Girls, 9 Gerald Davis, 10 Mae West, 11 US Navy, 12 Liz Friedman, 13 Lucy Lawless, 14 Alison Bechdel, 15 Village People, 16 Matt Freeman, 17 Buck Angel, 18 Bitch and Animal, 19 John Neihardt, 20 Irshad Manji, 21 Kvisa Shchora, 22 Lesbian Avengers, 23 Li Yu, 24 Mabel Hampton, 25 Michel Foucault, 26 Meg Christian, 27 William Brown, 28 A-mei, 29 Pat Califia, 30 PPPPP, 31 ACT UP, 32 Bayard Rustin, 33 “The Handsome Cabin Boy,” 34 Noel Coward, 35 José Sarria, 36 Arsham Parsi, 37 Robert Aitken

“I was aiming at his head,” she responded matter-of-fact in her mild Kentucky accent. All her years in Northern Ohio did not leave their imprint on her Southern tongue.

Here’s the story. Edna Mae Barnett is the maternal grandmother of Kevin Mason, the man I married some 10 years ago. To everyone around her, kinfolk or otherwise, she is Grandma.

Grandma and Kevin. Photo: Kevin Mason

Born in 1911, Grandma died this April, a month after her 100th birthday. Her life spanned a century, and talking with her was a lesson in one woman’s struggle to survive.

Much of it was left unsaid. “Grandma” was her public persona, the face she showed the world, the very picture of benevolence. It was the true reflection of her heart. But Grandma was forged in the twists and turns of Edna Mae’s life.

What little I know: she was the daughter of Hayden and Josephine Arnett. Hayden owned a general store in Salyersville, Kentucky. Accounts from Grandma of her childhood included memories of riding with her father on a horse-drawn carriage, getting sweets from him at the general store, and raising tobacco. She also mentioned that she was once unfairly whipped by a teacher. That same teacher received a call from Josephine, Edna Mae’s mother.

Josephine issued this warning: “Sleep under the bed tonight.” That evening, somebody drove by the teacher’s house and fired shots into it.

There is a large gap between childhood and the move from Kentucky to Ohio. Clues as to what happened during this interval are few but significant. Kevin remembers as a boy being introduced to his Uncle Elwood for the first time, which was when he learned that his grandmother had been married twice.

Edna Mae bore Elwood at the age of 13. She left what appeared to be an abusive relationship, and started anew in 1937 with the love of her life, Ollie Barnett. As far as the public was concerned, the old life never existed.

She and Ollie moved to Ohio where he worked on the railroad. Edna Mae ran their farm, which she continued to use or lease for crops and animal pasture, well into her 90s.

Her beloved Ollie died while their three children, JH, Shirley, and Ollietta, were still young. On top of suffering the loss of her man, Edna Mae’s house was the target of two thieves who saw an opportunity to take whatever they wanted since Ollie was out of the way.

The day after the funeral, the men broke into her home. Above the screaming of her children, Edna Mae yelled for her son JH to bring her a gun. The men heard her and left. They would be back soon.

Edna Mae did indeed have a gun, but she had no bullets. The next day, she had her son purchase some. When the men returned that same night, Edna Mae had something for them.

They forced their way into the house, only to be confronted by a fiercely protective mother who was armed and dangerous. The thieves wisely beat a retreat under fire. One of them was shot in the butt while going over a fence, which brings us back to the beginning of this article.

As long as she was in her home in Willard, Ohio, Grandma slept with a pistol under her pillow. We knew to always, always let Grandma know we were at the door when we came to visit. Surprises would simply not be prudent.

Edna Mae mourned the loss of her Ollie, decades after he had passed. Some things you never get used to.

I got another glimpse of her secret life as her faculties slowly but surely left her. As with so many of our elderly, this staunchly independent woman eventually could no longer care for herself. Her ability to consciously engage the world was severely compromised in the last few years of her life.

During this stage of our lives, what we are made of, our inner secret self, shines through for better or for worse. In Grandma’s case, it was glorious. She refused to eat unless everyone around her also had food. I wonder if this trait was impressed on her during the hard years of the Great Depression.

Whenever Kevin and I visited her in her house in Willard some years back, we did not leave without Grandma giving us something- pie, bread, potato chips, sodas, toilet paper- we could not leave empty-handed, even if it meant she might do without.

We would see her at the window, waving at us as we drove back to our own home in Columbus. More often than not, she would be in tears.

And even though we kept our own private life from her, there is little doubt in my mind that Grandma knew we were a couple. Kevin did not receive a Christmas gift without me getting one as well. But family protocol dictated we not upset Grandma with a concept that might throw her off-kilter, so our relationship was never ever discussed.

Well, except for once, when she fired a question at me outright, in front of Kevin’s parents as well as his aunt and uncle, if Kevin and I slept together in the same bed. She did so with a mischievous smile on her face, as if she knew she had just shattered the fragile paper wall of propriety shielding her from All Things Gay. I played it off with a joke, and everyone else in the room breathed a sigh of relief.

But Grandma knew. If anyone was adept at playing the game of subtext, it was Edna Mae.

In a final moment of blessed synchronicity, Edna Mae Barnett, one month into her hundredth year, died after hugging loved ones, the same time to the minute I was lighting a candle for her in our home at Kevin’s request.

The last words I recall from her were framed in the usual benediction she gave me when we would end a visit: “Grandma loves you.”

So does Edna Mae.

For this and more cartoons by Mark, go to wwwslapupsidethehead.com. Top image: pfox.org/default.html, February 2012

What would you do to save your eternal soul?

That is an issue faced every day by LGBT young people of faith when they’re told that homosexuality is a choice, and bucking the norm means God will send them to Hell.

But saving one’s eternal soul is not the only decision that they have to make:

What would you do to earn your parents’ love?

If the parents are devout homophobes, love of a homophobic God may trump love of their own offspring. But that is not all:

What would you do to keep Dad from beating you to a pulp?

This last one is a dilemma faced by sons who are not masculine or Straight enough for their fathers.

If you are already living in a world of pain, it is logical that you might accept further pain to make it all stop. This includes torture in the form of reparative therapy, treatment designed to repair the broken homosexual. And when therapy doesn’t work, just kill yourself.

If It Walks Like a Duck

Reparative therapy uses aversion techniques, which are designed for two things: stop a certain behavior through pain, and encourage a different behavior when pain stops.

This therapy is premised on the belief that our minds can be changed through negative conditioning. For example, a young girl really likes chocolate ice cream, but she eats a bad batch and gets food poisoning. From that day on, she might associate the taste of chocolate ice cream with getting sick, so she never eats it again.

advocate.com, February 2012

A simplistic model of the human mind treats all of our desires and habits just like chocolate ice cream. All we need to modify unwanted behavior is associate it with something bad. Such was the therapy for Samuel Brinton to cure him of his homosexual tendencies (you can hear Samuel’s testimony at www.imfromdriftwood.com).

He was home-diagnosed as a potential sodomite at the age of twelve. After a beating from his father that sent him to the emergency room, Samuel was told by counselors that he had AIDS and the government was killing all queer children. He was locked in his room when not in therapy to keep the government from getting him, at least that’s what he was told. But his parents told his sister a different story: Samuel had murdered somebody and they were hiding him from the police.

Therapists then got physical. Samuel was forced to hold blocks of ice in his hands while being shown pictures of men holding hands. treatment moved on to burning his hands with copper coils, and finally electrical shocks sent into his fingertips through tiny needles stuck in them while watching man-on-man porn. The pain would stop when pictures of heterosexual couples were shown.

Why would he put up with torture? Because his parents assured him that God hated him unless he changed. Because his mother made it very clear that she could not love him if he were homosexual. His father was more hands-on. Paternal counseling of the “devil child” consisted of putting a gun to his head as well as inflicting bodily harm.

Ex-Gay Torture

Samuel is the son of Baptist missionaries, but abuse is not limited to Baptists. The story is repeated in many other Fundamentalist Christian denominations as well as Scientology. Some of the most striking testimonies come from Mormons, and sometimes the abuse occurred right on the campus of Brigham Young University with aversion therapy administered to young people, mostly young men, in secret. Treatment included electrodes attached to the penis so that shocks went directly to the problem. In the interest of scientific observation, a ring was placed around the penis to measure any increase of girth.

It’s not just the pain. It’s the embarrassment of another person watching your dick to see if you get hard. Similar treatments have been created for women with electrodes attached to the vagina. And you best believe therapists administering these treatments are getting their own sexual kicks.

Carina Vance Mafla, Lesbian activist agqinst some 200 ex-gay clinics in Ecuador that routinely degraded and tortured women held in captivity, became Minister of Public Health in 2012 as a result of national and international outcry (blabbeando.blogspot.com/2012/01/ecuador-lesbian-who-led-fight-against.html#.TzctqZgqM_U, February 2012)

For a mere 14 dollars, you can order a CD that will teach you how to switch teams.

Evergreen International, a Mormon organization for the rehabilitation of homosexuals, claims it can help people diminish SSA (same-sex attraction) and overcome homosexual behavior. For a mere 14 dollars, you can order a CD that will teach you how to switch teams. This organization has been accused of using shock therapy. To this day, Evergreen remains unapologetic and keeps its treatments as secret as possible.

The result of such abuse can convince the patients to implement a Final Solution and kill themselves. As one Mormon who had been through Evergreen International said, “They are ridding the world of homosexuality one suicidal homosexual at a time.”

Sounds familiar, maybe a bit like Abu Graib? The similarity between torturing Iraqis and reparative therapy for homosexuals is not simply the use of coercive pain and sexual humiliation. Torture guarantees that the victim will say anything you want them to say. Truth, either in sincere confession or in actually changing one’s orientation from homosexual to heterosexual, is not part of the equation.

But money is. Such treatments do not come cheap.

Pitcherskaia vs. the INS

It has already been determined in a court of law that, if administered against a person’s will, aggressive methods designed to change homo to hetero constitute torture.

In 1996, Alla Konstantinova Pitcherskaia sought asylum in the USA. She was subjected to arrest, imprisonment and involuntary psychiatric treatment for being a Lesbian who was politically active for LGBT rights in her native Russia. The Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) recommended she be returned to Russia. Their reasoning: it was not torture because Russian authorities were only trying to help her overcome what they saw was a defect.

When Alla’s case came before the US Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, judgment was rendered in her favor. Judge Betty Fletcher authored the court’s opinion: “Human rights laws cannot be sidestepped simply by couching torture in benevolent terms such as ’curing’ or ’treating’ the victim.” Judge Fletcher was referring specifically to aversion therapy, including electric shocks, to change Alla’s sexual orientation.

Betty Fletcher (blogs.seattleweekly.com/dailyweekly/2011/03/betty_fletcher_seattles_octoge.php, February 2012)

But They Asked for It

Proponents of ex-gay aversion therapy say that it cannot be torture in cases where a child is forced to go through it, because the parents are thinking of the best interests of their offspring.

Bullshit.

If done to adults, aversion therapy is OK because they ask for it. Once again, bullshit.

Pitcherskaia vs. INS gives us legal grounds to challenge these things and call them what they are: torture, mental and physical, that undermines the health of LGBT people.

Such treatments are unethical for the following reasons:

1. There is no evidence that such methods actually work
2. Reparative therapists do not inform their patients of other therapies to make them happy with their orientation, therapies that have a proven track record of success
3. Those that administer reparative therapies make good money doing so
4. Those who pay the money are therefore being swindled, and the notion that they willingly consent is false because what they consent to is not what is actually offered
5. Reparative therapies designed to produce ex-gays constitute physical and mental torture, and are therefore illegal in US and international courts of law

and….

6. Any adult who shows porn to 12-year-olds should obviously go to jail.

Do we need to bring this to the United Nations? I’m game.

To see the “Ex-Gay” article in the Qualia Encyclopedia of Gay Folklife, click here.

Billboard from Exodus International (ustinsomnia.org/2005/09/question-intolerance, February 2012)

In 2005, Justin Watt altered the Exodus billboard and posted it on his Justinsomnia blog (www.justinsomnia.org), creating an internet hit and provoking a cease and desist letter from Exodus. The letter was dismissed by Watt's legal representation on grounds of free speech (ustinsomnia.org/2005/09/question-intolerance, February 2012)

I hitched a ride to NYC from Columbus, Ohio with the crew from FindFred (www.findfred.com), a networking site for Gay men, on the condition I wore their logo wherever I went.

We got in Friday night. I made a pilgrimage to Christopher Park that Saturday before the parade and festival on Sunday so I could take pictures of the Gay Liberation Monument and the Stonewall Inn. The monument is four bronze statues covered in white paint, two men standing together and two women sitting together.

A documentary was being filmed about the statues when I arrived. Leslie Cohen and Beth Suskin, the models for the women seated in the Gay Liberation Monument, were being videotaped for Written in Stonewall (Bianca Lanza, producer) while sitting with the life-size images of themselves.

The two women who posed for the statues were there right in front of me! Some 30 years later, they still look like their images.

I asked Bianca Lanza if I could take a picture of the women with their statues. When she found out that I am the chief editor of the upcoming Encyclopedia of Gay Folklife, she asked if I wanted to interview them myself. Talk about being in the right place at the right time!

Leslie Cohen related a recent event to me:

We were walking back to the apartment where we were staying after visiting Long Island, and we decided to visit the statues. There was a homeless man lying up against the statue of me and when he saw us looking he said, referring to the statue: “I talk to this woman all the time. She is my friend.”

Then Beth told him we were the models for the statue and at first he didn’t believe us, but when he took a close look at us and then the statues, he went wild, calling all his friends over. It happens every time we’re at the sculpture and anyone finds out we were the models. People get very excited and relate their personal stories and relationships to the sculpture and everyone seems to have one.

The experience of meeting Leslie and Beth, who have stayed together as a couple for all these years, brought me to tears, which the film crew dutifully documented, all the more proof for my husband that I am a big crybaby.

But there was trouble brewing.

Some of the local characters that frequent the park were making loud noises and fighting amongst themselves. I had the impression that they were displeased with a camera crew coming into their favorite place to relax, and they were purposely acting more raucous than necessary.

I went over to the three loudest people and offered to buy them a beer at Stonewall, hoping to give the camera crew a break. Instead, the loudest one of all convinced me to accompany him to a nearby liquor store, where we bought cheap vodka and clear plastic cups. So here we were in Christopher Park: me, four Straight street people, a hard-core out-and-proud Lesbian who took no shit, and assorted other players, all of us drinking in public, in an urban drama that I was sure would climax in my arrest, all the while wearing my FindFred tank top.

I’m sure that was not the kind of exposure FindFred was looking for when they requested I billboard their name. I pictured myself calling my husband Kevin back in Columbus: Hi baby! I’m on the evening news! Can you post bail?

But when in Rome…

We ended up having a total blast, with music, liquor, people dancing together (mostly Straight men and myself), police turning a blind eye, and the most fun I’ve had with my pants on in a very long time. Tunes from some of my favorite artists, including Evelyn Champaign King (who has recently made a come-back with a hot deep-house song, “One More Time”), pumped from the small portable CD player that the hard-core Lesbian had turned up to full volume, film crew and the rest of the world be damned.

At one point, I was sitting on Beth’s (the statue’s) lap, drink in hand, describing the Stonewall Riots to a group of young women visiting from Baltimore.

I left at sunset with regrets- we were having such a good time. Upon reflection, I realize now that I had experienced my own Stonewall moment, a complex clash of privilege, poverty and territorial dispute that was temporarily ecstacized when people were of a mind to party.

We are a community in flux, one based more on trend than tradition. A major goal for many of us is to be the most avant-garde. We will buy the latest phone, wear the most fashionable clothes, even change addresses so we have just the right zip code. But our obsession with such things betrays a weakness. We are fashion victims, slaves to the opinions of those who cater to the wealthy.

Scholars in the Gay community often fall into a similar trap, announcing over and over again that we are (or should be) “post-gay.” The problem with fashion-based obsession, be it phones, clothes, zip codes, or academic buzz-words, is lack of stability and sustainability. We leave the next generation nothing they can call their own without fear of being ridiculed as passé. The end result is a community with no roots.

To address this problem, I’ve been going back to the classics. Besides reading up on Aristotle and Abhinavagupta, I’ve been looking at Rabbi Hirsch’s take on derech eretz, the way of the world. Simon Bronner, a folklorist at Penn State and a true friend to our people, mentioned the importance of tzniut (modesty) in the context of derech eretz. Modesty can be distilled into a simple maxim: we should walk humbly before G-d. (Feel free to replace “G-d” with “Universe.”)

The first reaction most of us will have with the word “modesty” in the Gay community is one of amusement. Just think Pride parades: topless women, dancing twinks in Speedos, men in buttless chaps, and outrageous drag personalities who cuss like sailors.

But we must realize that Pride-as-dignity is not the opposite of humility. Modesty (especially tzniut) is more than simply the avoidance of scandalous appearance.

Let us apply these concepts to an important Gay ritual. Within the context of a Pride parade, what counts as immodest behavior?

Topless Lesbians

Rules concerning modesty in the Jewish tradition are primarily concerned with how, how much, and when we should reveal ourselves. Walking humbly before G-d is directly correlated with being humble before humanity. When we show ourselves, what are our motives? Self-revelation is a double-edged blade. On one hand, any revelation can be offensive if done in an inappropriate time and place, especially if it is done with the intent to insult, or with complete disregard for the feelings of others. On the other hand, revelation can leave us vulnerable, open to attack and humiliation, thus may be seen as humbling.

A topless woman on a hot summer day during Pride is not a declaration of lust or arrogance – rather, she is doing something that men do on a regular basis. As such, her actions are not immodest because she is confronting a double standard that has roots in the oppression of women’s bodies. And in doing so, she is vulnerable.

Jewish law is abundantly clear when it comes to helping others in times of distress: the quicker one breaks the rules in favor of aiding those in danger, the better. Topless women in the carnivalesque space of Pride send a bold message of women’s affirmation in the face of very real oppression and violence against their bodies. It would only be arrogant if they insisted that all women remove their tops, right then and there.

Twinks in Speedos

Part of what constitutes modesty is awareness of the consequences of one’s actions as insulting. Young men cavorting about on a float and wearing skimpy swim gear represent more a species of silliness than obscenity. They seek to be fabulous, fun-loving and daring, not insulting.

Young men in Speedos are dressed in culturally appropriate ways, but in an unorthodox setting – the middle of the street rather than the pool or beach. Since Pride is often a summer celebration, and summer is bonded to pool and beach in the American psyche, twinks in swim gear are not terribly transgressive.

The sin of immodesty falls more squarely on the shoulders of those who think inappropriate thoughts about those young men. And “inappropriate” goes beyond simple lust – it is more a matter of disrespecting the dignity of others. The greatest crime we can commit against one another is when we see a fellow human being as the object of our own pleasure or disdain, with no regard as to whether that person deserves (or desires) to be so relegated. Too many older Gay men use younger, less experienced men as playthings, and the burden of arrogance is mostly theirs.

Buttless Chaps and TNT

Men in buttless chaps create a more complex issue. The question is this: how much should we reveal about ourselves in a public setting?

Clothing that is directly associated with sex, such as a leather harness on a shirtless torso, leather chaps with nothing under them, leather cod-pieces, etc., such gear takes one’s sex life to the streets when worn in public. What is immodest about extremes in dress is not so much the body but rather the person, since often the amount of skin shown is less than that of the average scantily-clad twink. When taken too far from public propriety, open advertising of one’s sexual desires is akin to public gluttony – we really do not need to see it if we did not ask to see it. As such, it is far from humble, and is too often an exercise in arrogance, much like purposely farting loudly in an elevator or using a cell phone while standing in line. It may not seem so bad to you, but think about other people than yourself.

On the other hand, those of us observing such displays do not know the motivations driving each man to engage in such remarkable self-revelation. It may in some cases be silliness, pushing the boundaries as to entertain others. It could be any number of other causes, selfish or otherwise: attempts to find kindred sexual partners, purposely create discomfort in others to give oneself sexual pleasure, a means of bonding with other men similarly dressed, psychologically therapeutic in ways that I could only guess, or in the case of TNT (Totally Naked Toronto, a small cadre of men who strut about in nothing but socks and boots), dedication to an ethic of human body-comfort.

There is also humility in not pointing out the faults of others. If somebody behaves in such an immodest fashion, calling them out for it then and there can actually be the more arrogant behavior. People concerned with ethics such as myself would do well to avoid presenting ourselves as overly righteous in public. We may end up revealing ourselves as ass-holes.

Drag Queens and Kings Cussing

We’ve all seen them on stage and parading about in the clubs. Most are gracious, all are sassy, and some can be real bitches. But there is an inherent humility that comes with face: somebody in drag is a lightning rod for condemnation and catty remarks.

Drag personalities, both queens and kings, risk violence from homophobes when they take their craft out of the clubs and into the public sphere. They are the champions of our people precisely because they draw the worst venom from those who hate us.

I rarely have a problem with foul-mouthed kings, queens, empresses, dukes, princesses, or emperors. Usually they reserve inappropriate language for moments when people “get it,” when the crowd buys into the humorous frame that they set up.

Do No Harm

Sometimes it is best to leave others with their sins, lest we lose our own humility as we presume to judge them without knowing all the facts. But there is also the sin of not speaking out when we see something that is wrong.

In a community setting such as Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco or the semi-privacy of the NYC Black Party, skimpy leather gear and nakedness does not carry the same negativity as a Pride parade because those who attend expect it. I will caution, however, that venues with areas for unregulated and unprotected group sex betray callousness and mutually-agreed upon disrespect that I cannot condone, regardless of people’s willingness to participate. I fear that the vulnerable are encouraged to believe their lack of humility or concern for the health of their fellow human beings is somehow virtuous.

Immodesty has so much less to do with what is done than how it is done. I know some guys whose greatest fantasy is to be plowed by thirty men in a row, no questions asked.

The lack of modesty that most men show in realizing this fantasy is a refusal to walk humbly before the Universe, but not because getting plowed by so many is necessarily immodest. Desire or taiva is not wrong in itself, but derech eretz includes respect for one’s own body as well as the bodies of others. Only if the willing recipient of a gang-bang can guarantee everyone will scrupulously engage in safer-sex behaviors or that he is not HIV+ beforehand, that participants will not seroconvert each other in the process of doing him, and that he is willing to undergo the rigors of preventive treatment immediately after, could the scenario be considered within the bounds of tzniut.

No doubt many rabbinical authorities would dismiss my application of Jewish theological concepts as woefully uninformed. They are correct. And there will be Leathermen who will find my opinion too judgmental. That’s OK with me – I like most rabbis and Leatherguys just the way they are (no doubt there are some rabbis who don the harness now and again). I find Leatherfolk’s use of BDSM to be potentially healthy and good for society, since it gives those with dark desires the means to act them out in ways that do not blow up buildings or result in serial killings.

I do not presume to claim authority in Jewish theology, but I do see wisdom in knowledge gathered over the course of at least three thousand years.

For most of history, homosexuals have typically been marginalized, sometimes allowed a place at the table of sacred humanity, sometimes relegated to an amusing sideshow, sometimes brutally hunted and erased with blood and fire.

Two names describe us as belonging to a certain place: sodomite, a person from the city of Sodom, and lesbian, somebody from the island of Lesbos. Modern English is a language that capitalizes identity based on geography (American, Arab, Nigerian, Chinese, Buckeye) and group affiliation (Democrat, Lutheran, Trekkie). But we are not extended that courtesy. All our names are lower-case, like “pervert” and “psychotic.”

www.slapupsidethehead.com, February 2012

Not for me, not any more. I’m coming out as Gay. It’s my way of demanding respect for the humanity of my people.

The Safety of the Closet

For the longest time, our people didn’t want to be noticed at all.

We believed that our closets were the safest places we could be. We would only come out when we went out to a certain tavern on the corner, or maybe a special women’s group.

Until Stonewall, coming out was mostly a private activity, not a public one. We honestly thought we were safer when we were invisible to all but our own. It was a comforting illusion.

We chose secret names for ourselves that only we knew. But this never worked for long because, perversely, we were so popular.

Our influence in the arts, style, and clever conversation made us tragically hip. Those of us who broke the gender dress code were like some kind of queer magnet for the curious masses, who would flock to our clubs and drag shows to gawk.

Our secret names would catch on. Those who wished to see us dead (some were homosexual like us, but tried to purge our evil from their souls by purging us from society) would soon find us out and drag us out of our closets into courtrooms as criminals, into public squares at the mercy of bloodthirsty mobs, into back alleys, prisons, and mental wards where we’d be raped, beaten, electrocuted within an inch of our lives and our brains surgically mutilated.

Our first attempts at visibility got us into huge trouble because society tolerated homophobic murderers more than visible homosexuals. Gay couldn’t be a legitimate identity, they’d tell us. It’s a disgusting act, like murder or prostitution.

But then again, it wasn’t just an act. It was a debilitating identity, a stigma, like “whore” only much worse. As I learned in Alabama as a youth, “Steal once, and you’re not a thief. But suck a dick once, you’re a faggot forever!”

The weirdest thing was that, during the time of our sorrows and shame, we were nevertheless determined to have a good time. We built our culture around bars, dancing, music, festival, beauty, and razor-sharp wit. We’d hold debutante coming-out balls for our queens and kings.

We really flourished during Prohibition, when pretty much all Americans who wanted to drink themselves into a state of happiness were forced to hide with us.

It’s right about that time in US history, when America’s favorite recreational drug was banned, that we became known as “gay.” It was a common word that acted as code, a means by which the Invisible Ones could find each other in the anonymity of the big cities. And it was so much nicer than “pansy,” “dyke,” or “faggot.”

But it didn’t take America long to figure out what we were doing. First, the hip kids latched onto the word. Eventually, the watchdogs got a hold of it and blew our cover.

But about that same time, we found out that our much larger numbers, which grew as our cities grew, made the closet more and more stifling.

The ones who could hide the least, our gender outlaws, led the way out. After being beaten, dehumanized and imprisoned with much more regularity than those of us who could “pass” for what society called normal, they had finally had enough. Stonewall was started by street-wise trannies, butch dykes and flaming queens, not the rich HRC types, glamorous L Word beauties or over-muscled Circuit boys.

This is why we should encourage and praise the most outrageous transgender outlaws to strut their stuff during our Pride parades. They stand up for all of humanity every time they step outside of their homes.

2010 Chicago Pride (http://www.mdig.com.br/index.php?itemid=8635, February 2012)

Attempts to Push Us Back In

Even today, the way a newspaper or magazine uses the word “gay” tells us what they think of us. If they never use the g-word but insist upon calling us “homosexuals,” it is a sign that they wish we would go back in the closet. Same thing if they would use phrases like “the so-called ’gays’” and consistently put the g-word in quotations.

Our detractors do not want to address us as human beings on equal par with themselves. We have been portrayed as demonic for almost 2000 years. Many homophobes still wish tremendous spiritual torture in Hell with all the other demons for all eternity upon us, a vile expression of spite indicative of the violence they would do to us if they had their way.

Even after the Stonewall Awakening, many of our clubs thought it better not to announce their presence too loudly. When I was taking my first faltering steps out of the closet in Columbus, Ohio some 14 years ago, many of the establishments did not have signs. It took us a while to relax and not be afraid of a Molotov cocktail thrown inside our clubs at any moment.

Nowadays, we flaunt our bars with big rainbow flags, especially during Pride. So therapies and ministries were created to convince us that we are better off returning to the closet as slightly defective, orientation-lobotomized ex-gays than staying the course as Hell-bound monsters.

But we are a stubborn lot of perverts. Their efforts just make us stronger. Previously, they could beat and immolate us into silence. Now they must use our chosen g-word, even as they add “ex” to it.

Are You Deaf?

The Deaf community knows what it is like for people to misunderstand, marginalize and ridicule its constituency. As a people, they have made an important distinction in their own communal definition.

We all know that “deaf” means not being able to hear. Animals can be deaf.

For humans (and probably all social animals with functioning ears), being deaf tends to isolate the individual. But deaf humans can congregate and acquire skills shared by others in the same predicament. The collective of deaf people (those who cannot hear) has created its own identity as Deaf people (the community and culture), which includes myriad communities, all ethnicities and many different sign languages. It does not, however, include other species.

As a human community, the Deaf have come out. They realize that they are much more than just individuals with what others consider a disability. And they mark themselves by capitalizing their communal name.

We should follow their lead.

Claiming Our Fabulous Humanity

The problem with the word “gay” is that people throw it around loosely for all kinds of things. The younger generation says, “That’s so gay” when they want to say something negative. Newspapers regularly run stories on gay animals when biologists report homosexual behaviors among various species.

The belief in gay animals trivializes us as a people (ever heard of “straight animals”?), especially since homophobes across the globe still insist on identifying us as sub-human. Robert Mugabe, the thug in charge of Zimbabwe, tries to hide the misrule of his nation by verbally abusing us: gays are “worse than pigs or dogs,” he said.

If animal metaphors must be used, here goes: we are generally perceived as unproductive grasshoppers among industrious ants. But we are really more like peacocks among hens and roosters.

The one thing “gay” doesn’t seem to mean any more is “happy,” which is a shame. Even though we are so much more than an adjective, I like to think of us as a joyful people. And we are likewise more than a sexual orientation (such as homosexuality or heterosexuality) that can be equally applied to our animal kinfolk.

We are Joseph, constantly flaunting our technicolor dreamcoat that sets us apart from our heteronormal siblings and inspires their envy.

Those of us who return to the closet for Christ/ha Shem/Allah as ex-gays are no longer gay in any sense of the word; they truly are ex-happy in comparison. Think of what they willfully choose to call themselves! It would be funny if it weren’t so tragic.

On the other hand, I might be missing something. Perhaps the feverish enthusiasm of the ex-gay movement is actually another form of homoerotic play, an invisible but sizzling infrared just below the rainbow spectrum. The problem is that fear, self-loathing, and spiritual terror based on the notion that, at any time, their desires might savagely molest them, all these internal horrors can easily turn them from unhappy to really mean and nasty as they condemn us in public and hook up in private.

Unlike those sad, sad ex-gay children, trying desperately to fit their round multicolored pegs into a square black-and-white hole, we play with all kinds of pegs and holes, pegs and pegs, and holes and holes in a sexual/spiritual/ethical playground where humanity is defined by its amazing flair for adaptability and audacity.

But only when we are allowed to be ourselves in all the diversity that we possess, when we are allowed to identify as a people of many peoples, a culture of many cultures, a community made up of many communities, an ethnicity made up of all ethnicities, are we truly ourselves. If any population reflects the breathtaking variety of humankind, it is us. And we do so without violence, warfare, terrorism, or ethnic cleansing. Compared to the rest of the world, we really are gay, happy, joyful, fabulous, and fierce. We are the living glue that unites the bickering factions of the world, and the world would be that much closer to world peace if we were allowed to come out publicly and do what we do best.

We have earned the right to have our chosen name capitalized.

Why we should be Gay

Queers are quick to be the first in fashion. We hate to be out of date.

We love to announce the latest trend, including when something is passé.

I have a book called The End of Gay. The author, Bert Archer, claims that “gay” is a phase, one step towards the disintegration of all sexual categories, including heterosexuality.

The gist of the book is that the world will be a better place when we no longer speak of “gay” or “straight.” Bert Archer would have us quickly get over our gay phase and move on to better things.

Good for you, Bert Archer. Go on with your bad post-gay self, which looks suspiciously like an ex-gay self. And don’t let the door hit you on your way to your nameless pansexual utopia.

Archer’s simplistic understanding of human sexuality does not take into account the importance of standardized, concrete sexual identities in erotic play and non-erotic personal expression. Many of us like the distinctions between orientations because they turn us on and entertain us. Our displays of gender, from the masculine extremes of Leathermen to the femme-est of the femmes to the gangsta-drag of homo-thugs, can set the stage for some hot-hot-hot sex (depending on one’s kink) and great shows. This is just as true when we completely demolish the roles with a good gender-fuck. But the roles and identities have to be in place before our rebels can demolish them.

Our people are constantly developing new ways to have sex, make friends, build families, encounter the Universe, and have fun. I am not ready for us to disengage ourselves from such a powerful cultural movement and fade into the masses of humanity. So far as I can tell, we are doing just fine seeing ourselves as our own people.

To be human is to be a certain kind of human with certain traits. When we attempt to homogenize ourselves into some kind of standard issue, when we are no longer a community but only a population, we end up being left out, faceless, dehumanized, a statistic. Personally, I cannot come out as truly human unless I come out as Gay.

For that same reason, I also capitalize “Lesbian.” I think my sisters deserve as much respect as I can possibly give them. I have no trouble at all with “Trans” and “Bisexual.”

[To see the article "Gay" in the Encyclopedia of Gay Folklife, click here.]

To be fair, I will do the same for “Straight.”

...

Katy Perry’s hit song, “I Kissed a Girl,” inspired Pastor Dave Allison of Havens Corners Church in Blacklick, Ohio to put up the following message:

I KISSED A GIRL
AND I LIKED IT
THEN I WENT TO HELL

Some people cheered the sign as a wake-up call for America Gone Bad. Others were upset with what they saw as Public Desecration of the Fag.

Personally, I was delighted when I saw it. It struck me as something vintage and totally camp, like an old poster from a low-budget horror movie. I bet more than a few Gay people want it as a poster to put up in their homes.

Possibilities for a humorous article about the sign were endless. But before I wrote one such masterpiece, I needed to give Havens Corners Church a chance to have its say. I called up the pastor, thinking he would refuse to speak with me about it.

The Conversation

I introduced myself as a Gay journalist. Game over, I thought. He’ll either hang up right now, or put me on hold until I go away, just like Focus On The Family did a few years ago. But no, Pastor Dave was willing to talk with me.

I was surprised. Pleasantly.

All kinds of people have talked to him about the sign. “I’ve had calls from places like California and Nova Scotia,” he said. In the midst of our 3 conversations, he had phone calls from Orlando and Cleveland.

FOX and MSNBC had run the story.

I asked Pastor Allison why he put up the sign. He said it was a “loving warning” to teenage girls who might think homosexuality was cool.

He realized that kids experiment. Girls might kiss each other just to be cool, or to get the attention of boys. If that’s all such a kiss is, a youthful indiscretion, it would not lead to damnation. If young women took it further, however, it would be sinful and could have catastrophic consequences for all eternity.

“But I’m not like the Fred Phelps crowd,” Dave said. He does not believe in spreading a message of hate. However, when he reads his Bible, it tells him that homosexuality is wrong, period. He feels he must make sure that young people aren’t misled by churches that favor political correctness over God’s message.

Nevertheless, he took the sign down after approximately 24 hours because some people were confused by it, especially children and the elderly who didn’t know the context of the song. Without that context, the sign appeared harsh and not terribly loving.

But the hellcat was out of the bag. Calls of support and condemnation soon began pouring in.

www.slapupsidethehead.com/2008/09/church-predicts-brimstone-for-katy-perry, February 2012

I Kissed a Drag Queen

Pastor Dave is like many good people in America who honestly believe homosexuality is wrong, no ifs, ands or buts. As Gay people, what can we do to help them overcome homophobia?

The best thing we can do is show them our “buts.”

I don’t mean “show our butts” like those tacky trolls in Pride parades across the nation who run around in buttless chaps (a contradiction in terms, since their hairy asses are hanging out). I mean that we should calmly engage them in dialogue. The “buts” we show them are reasonable objections to homophobia.

Intolerance towards Gay people is un-Christian and sinful in the eyes of God. But we must make it clear that we hate the sin, not the sinner.

Dialogue is infinitely better than confrontation, and unnecessary showboating is too much like buttless chaps and Fred Phelps. Or, Heaven forbid, Fred Phelps in buttless chaps. By engaging in frank and civil dialogue, both sides can be respectful towards each other without feeling like either side is kissing butt.

My first “but” would explore alternative gender expression: “But what if the song was ’I Kissed a Drag Queen’?”

“Did the girl know she was kissing a drag queen?” asked Dave. Yes, I said. Then she could go to Hell because the Bible forbids men dressing as women, he answered.

But it wouldn’t be the girl who was sinning, I said. What if she really, really loved the drag queen and wanted to marry?

To his credit, Pastor Dave kept his cool when I played the queen card. But he wondered why I would bring up such a situation. I answered truthfully: there was a couple, a man and woman who were deeply in love. The husband liked to dress up in women’s clothing. The wife was all right with it.

One day the man tearfully told his wife he wanted to undergo a sex change, but was afraid she’d leave him/her. The wife looked at him and spoke what I consider to words of true love: “I guess I’ll become a Lesbian.”

Being a journalist in the Gay community, I’ve heard of this scenario more than once. But I could tell that Dave had never dealt with anything like it, not even as a hypothetical situation. It was outside of his box.

I Kissed an Alien

My second “but” would be about sexual fluidity.

“But what if she kissed an alien?”

“You mean she’s like Captain Kirk on Star Trek?” he asked.

I added that the alien was female for 6 months, and male for the rest of the year.

For Dave, it came down to procreation, whether or not they could produce a child, which he felt would be highly unlikely. The issue of sinfulness and going to Hell began to take a back seat.

But Dave brought it up front once more. Over and over again, he kept bringing in Scripture, which doesn’t discuss girls kissing drag queens, aliens, male husbands who undergo sex changes or anything else that could confuse the issue.

I Ate a Pig

Pastor Dave pointed out verses that condemn homosexuality as an abomination and associate it with other forms of depravity.

But many Christians have not inquired about the definition of “abomination” as it is used in the Old Testament. It does not necessarily mean “wrong” or “evil.” It means “unclean,” “mixed” or “confused,” For example, pigs are abomination, but they are not evil. Simply put, pigs are mixed up. They are confused animals.

The ancient Hebrews deeply cared about purity, as do Orthodox Jews today. They felt that pigs are unclean because pigs have cloven hooves like cattle, but they don’t chew their cud (regurgitate their food and chew it again) like cattle do. This mixing of contradictory animal characteristics in a pig was considered symbolic of human actions undesirable by G-d, such as when Hebrews mixed with people who worshipped other gods. Both were abominations.

I pointed out to Dave that, sex was seen in Hebrew culture as having a male role (penetrator) and a female role (penetrated). When men had sex with men, one man (the bottom) was considered womanish. Such a man would be mixed up, an abomination, as would the man who mixed him. Same thing applied to women-on-women.

I Raped a Girl

I then turned to the rules regarding the rape of a virgin girl.

If a virgin girl was raped, the rapist must marry her because she was abomination (unclean, no longer pure). Nobody else would have her since she was used goods.

But most of us don’t hold to this kind of thinking any more. Did Dave expect this rule to still apply?

“I know all about the arguments that rules against homosexuality are like rules against not eating shellfish, wearing cloth made of different thread, and other prohibitions that are no longer followed by Christians,” he said. Times did indeed change with regards to these rules. But he did not feel that rules against homosexuality were in the same class because anti-homosexual statements can be found in the New Testament.

But what if statements about sex and gender were inconsistent within the Bible itself?

Pastor Dave is from a church that allows women to preach. The same New Testament that occasionally condemns homosexuality also says women should be subservient to men. At the same time and in the same Good Book, women and men are equals in the eyes of God.

Biblical rules governing sex, family, rape and the rights of the individual usually favor men over women. More and more Christians, however, are rejecting such rules.

For the most part, Christians no longer insist that women be so subservient (sooner or later, Catholic and Mormon authorities will catch that wave too), it stands to reason that Christian doctrine can also accommodate Gay folks. As women assert their God-given rights not to be limited by a narrow reading of the Good Book, so can Gay Christians and their Straight allies.

Every Christian I know (including Pastor Dave) believes the letter of the law is never as important as the spirit of the law, and the basis of all Christian law is love. If, as St. Paul says, there is neither male nor female in the eyes of God, then the gender and sex mixing of drag queens, transsexuals, and homosexuals shouldn’t be a problem that love cannot overcome in favor of the oppressed.

I Raped a Man

The conversation eventually turned to Sodom and Gomorrah. Pastor Dave believes God destroyed Sodom because of homosexuality.

Well, I said, let’s look at the story in the Book of Genesis.

Two strangers (angels in disguise) showed up at the gates of Sodom. They were taken in by Lot, a God-fearing man, who treated them with courtesy. But men of Sodom came to Lot’s door, and demanded that Lot throw the strangers out into the street to be raped by the mob. The next day, God destroyed the city.

There is similar story in the Book of Judges: a stranger shows up at a Hebrew city with his mistress. The couple is given shelter by a local man. Men of the city come over and demand the stranger be given to them to be raped. Instead, the stranger throws his mistress out, whereupon she is raped to death instead of him.

Now let’s look at team sports, hardly a Gay bastion. In Ohio State football, for example, that same tradition of men gang-banging a perceived male threat is continued as OSU fans scream for their team to “F–k Michigan!” and proclaim that “Michigan sucks!” In both statements, sexual penetration is verbally forced upon Michigan.

The sin of Sodom was rape. Raping men to put them in their place is a Straight man’s game, not an ancient Gay tradition.

Redemption

I could tell that Dave felt he was at a disadvantage in our talk. He didn’t agree with me on much of what I said, but he hadn’t thought things over the way that I had. I told him I did not want to defeat him, nor did I want to win the argument.

What was more important was that our communities get to know each other.

He had gotten some calls from some angry Gay people, and he was afraid somebody would come in and disrupt his service. He as also troubled by the possibility of violence. I assured him that violence from the Gay community was highly unlikely, but that there could be a kiss-in on the grounds of or near his church.

He couldn’t understand why some Gay people were so upset. I told him why.

Gay people have learned through bitter experience that, too often, there is but a short distance between saying faggots are going to Hell and punching them in the face, burning them alive, blowing up their bars or leaving them to die on a fencepost.

I also told him I don’t think he would ever do such things. Neither do I support anyone going into his church and disrupting his service. A protest is one thing. Being a butt-hole to people you don’t even know is another.

Pastor Dave Allison strikes me as a good man who is trying to do the right thing. He had been warned by somebody who had seen my articles in the Gay press not to even talk to me. But he did it anyway.

Dave is courteous, intelligent, and willing to listen. We should be the same way with him and those like him.

When he saw that the “Kiss and Hell” sign was not sending the message he’d anticipated, he replaced it with this:

THROUGH FAITH IN CHRIST
GOD LOVES US AND
FORGIVES OUR SINS

Pastor Dave feels this message is just as important for him as it is for anyone else, Gay or Straight.